If there is one thing that has absolutely wrecked shooting, it is the scourge of the Armchair Commando. You know, the ones who know everything but are able to do nothing. I just can't stand it anymore. I'm sick sick sick of them. They're ruining something I've loved to do since I was a little kid. I've tried changing my environment, but they're nearly inescapable. Every time I go somewhere just to look at a new gun or buy a pound of powder, I have to endure some ignorant blowhard's line of BS. The shooting range by my old house was absolutely infested with them. They're one of the prime reasons why the shooting sports are in decline: the assholes are driving everyone off. People are just burnt out on this personality type. I don't think Liberals hate guns half as much as they hate these idiots - who have become the self-appointed ambassadors of the shooting sports.

This is an open letter to all the jerk-offs who have driven good people away from shooting by just being themselves.

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Dear Armchair Commando,

If you could break away from building that shrine to John Moses Browning, I would like to ask you a few questions.

1. Why in the hell do you care what gun/caliber I shoot? If it's not for you - fine, but why must you ALWAYS bitch about it? What possible stake do you have in my choices? Am I your personal bodyguard? Did it ever occur to you that my needs and priorities might differ from yours? I doubt it, but that doesn't stop you from droning on ad nauseum, spewing forth your worthless "knowledge" about how my gun/caliber is inaccurate, ineffective, or regurgitating whatever straw man argument you read in Guns and Ammo last month. GIVE IT A REST!!! I'd be scared shitless to a have Rob Leatham come after me with a .25 Auto, but I'm not sure I'd bother running if I saw you with a GE minigun. (I've seen you shoot. You're pathetic - even off a benchrest.)

2. Do you own any other clothing color other than camouflage? What gives? Is "The Enemy" in town for the weekend? Are you in the witness protection program? The GI Joe look was out by 1983. Get with the program. If you think you're reducing your visibility, think again. You could be wearing a Ghillie suit and I could still spot your fat ass 500 yards away. By the way, the KaBar hanging off the web gear makes you look even dumber.

3. What is up with your fascination about killing people? It's "kill...kill...kill," morning, noon, and night. Get help!!! It is NOT healthy. Can't you just enjoy shooting as a contest of skill once in a while?

4. What is with your obsession over trade rag "ballistics?" It's always the same tired crap: "....Stopping Power....Knockdown Power....Firepower...Terminal Ballistics....blah blah blah...." How many goddamn times can you read the same article and have the same conversation? Hey, stupid!!! It's all BULLSHIT!!!! It's all about ability. I don't care what the marketing people say; one can't buy talent. Quit trading the cow for magic bullets, accept reality and get over it.

5. Let's talk literacy. You're not doing the shooting sports any intellectual favors any time you write an article or make a post with the world's most atrocious spelling and grammar. (God forbid I should err here...) Get a dictionary - then OPEN it. Learn the difference between "their" and "they're" for crying out loud. You're just one more reason the media regards all gun owners as twits.

6. Why do you treat everyone of a non-white race or different nationality like total shit whenever they come to the range? Good God, man!! They don't want to steal your job or your barbecue; they just want to live the American dream. After living, oppressed, in some backward, f'ed up banana republic, newcomers want to be secure in their persons and homes. That equals gun ownership!! Immigrants and minorities aren't our enemies - they're our allies. Get over your prejudices. Welcome them!

Finally, I would just like to make one suggestion: If you can't seem to find a way to participate in the shooting sports in a positive, constructive and inclusive manner, why not just get hell out and leave the rest of us alone? I know that we need to show solidarity right now, but frankly, I'm willing to give the gun-rights trip a go without you. Let me know if you're interested & I'll pass the hat and we'll do a little gun-buyback program of our own.

Disgruntledly Yours,


Eric

info@ericwesselman.com
Located in Spokane, WA

509.981.7558

All images and text copyright of Eric Wesselman 2002-2005